Evans Counseling & Consultation, PLLC - Promoting Good Mental Health
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How would you define your relationship?
Breaking Up is Hard
Is Counseling For You?


Breaking Up
Defining Your Relationship
Emotional Dependency
Ending a Relationship
Personal difficulties
Personal Growth
Traumatic Bonding
Unhealthy Relationships
Unresolved Trauma


July 2015
July 2012
June 2012

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Unhealthy Relationships

Breaking Up is Hard

Breaking up is hard, and very painful, to do. The following poem speaks to the emotional impact on the body and soul:
Anticipated Break-up  by Janis Leslie 1989 
I’m haunted by uncertainty,
feeling empty as a hollow shell.

Except for the pit in my stomach,
filled with mixed emotions on the verge of explosion . . . in the form of tears.

Severance grips my soul, cut off from the one I love.
Nervous energy permeates my body,

To the point of uncontrollable trembling,as I lay awake at night. 

A tug of war inhabits my frame,concentrated in my heart that bleeds sorrow.

The constant push and pull tires me.

My spirit and gleeful nature are drained,supplying that energy to my pain.

Our unknown, yet anticipated fate,Ignites spells of turmoil that come and go,proving to be more painful than the loss of love itself.

Confusion rules at this time.

The poem focuses on the many emotions that ending a relationship can elicit, including the feeling of falling apart. Relationships that are based on intensity, deep connections, and emotional dependency are often the most difficult to end. Long-term unions, shared children, property, financial investments, and family ties can complicate the situation even more. The term "traumatic bonding" is sometimes at the core of an unhealthy relationship that causes one or both involved to question whether it's time to end it. A traumatic bond in human relationships includes an imbalanced mixed of the good and bad aspects of relating. For example, intense love and quality time spent together as a couple having a great night out can end with a huge conflict that escalates into an ugly verbal altercation, leaving one or both feeling abused. This dynamic creates a cycle of good times and bad times causing confusion as the traumatic bond strengthens. And thus, the painful difficulty in making a decision about how unhealthy it really is ensues, as depicted in the poem.It's important to step back far enough to get a new perspective on what's going on and whether or not it's time to stay or go. Getting a new perspective may mean:
  • from what appears to be unhealthy for you and your partner.
  • from family and friends who care about you.
  • about the dynamics of your relationship through self-help resources.
  • with a neutral perspective to help you facilitate the best decision for you.
Poetry can magically and unexpectedly put into words what you've been feeling and needing to say, but couldn't. If you are in the midst of or have not yet healed from a break-up, you are encouraged to read "Anticipated Break-Up" again. Meditate on it and explore what it means to you. Please share your thoughts, including your struggles and triumphs about breaking up on this blog. For more on this topic, visit: http://www.janshares.hubpages.com/hub/When-Marriages-Sadly-End and http://www.janshares.hubpages.com/hub/Getting-Back-Together-For-Better-Or-For-Worse

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